DBA Announces “Most Fuckable” Window Display Promotion

Banking on the success of its yearly Terrific Thursdays holiday promotion, the Decatur Business Association recently unveiled what promises to be an equally popular, annual event: Most Fuckable Window Display.

“We’ve taken our downtown shopping experience to the next level,” declared the organization in a prepared statement, “gauging window displays not just for their level of excitement, but for the, uhhh, level of excitement observed in passing window-shoppers.”



Providing a much-needed alternative to mall shopping, where store windows typically focus on lifestyle and seasonal promotions with heavy-handed deference to national brand images, Decatur’s downtown retailers will put their focus on what may be the greatest, and yet rarely acknowledged, driver of retail sales: fuckability.

Of course, not every downtown merchant shares the excitement, fearing women’s apparel shops, especially those featuring contemporary, sexy fashions, will possess an unfair advantage over less provocative merchandising.

“Consider this,” said one storeowner, requesting anonymity. “A lot of people are very enthusiastic about yarn, but would never think of it as ‘fuckable.’ At least not most of them, anyway.”