Saturday, April 14, 2007

Amnesty International to Monitor
Decatur Trash Amnesty Days

Amidst reports that certain individuals were being denied their rights, Amnesty International announced today that they were dispatching monitors to oversee and, if need be, enforce Decatur’s Trash Amnesty Days.

“The examples are numerous,” said a spokesperson. “We’ve heard from a gentleman trying to dispose of dead car batteries and being denied. We’ve heard from a woman with an old refrigerator being literally stripped of the basic human dignity to which we’re all entitled.

“To think that such abuses are taking place right here in our own country. It’s maddening.”



In the eyes of the city, certain items, such as freon or battery acid, are simply too detrimental to the environment to allow for amnesty – a view not shared by the renowned human rights organization, whose work has delivered safe haven to countless political prisoners suffering at the hands of tyrannical abuses.

Americans are entitled to certain inalienable freedoms, they counter; among them, the right to consume as many worthless material products as desired and, in turn, to subsequently dispose of such items once their innate worthlessness becomes apparent.

”We’re concerned,” continued the spokesman, “that Decatur is obstructing the second half of this sacred equation. Without our ability to offload our waste onto the community at large, the entire system that defines us begins to break down.”

Local resident Edna Pastor was more direct. “My obligation is to get things off my property and to the curb. I just wish the city was as diligent as I am.”