Local CVS Drug Store Proudly Refuses to Stock Decatur Blue Trash Bags

While many of Decatur’s local retailers make genuine though, perhaps, unsophisticated efforts to meet the needs of area customers, drug store giant CVS continued today in its proud refusal to stock Decatur’s mandatory blue trash bags.



“Anyone can carry them,” explained store manager Ted Patel. “We distinguish ourselves by *not* carrying them. We’re a national chain. We diminish our brand by concerning ourselves with the inconsequential needs of local patrons. We’ve got a promise to live up to, and that promise is that CVS will do whatever it takes to remove as much money as possible from your community and subsequently transfer it to our corporate headquarters in Woonsocket, Rhode Island.”

“Besides,” continued Patel, “at least we’re honest about it. Try buying Decatur bags at [local business] Smith Ace Hardware. How many times do you need someone to tell you ‘we’re out of them’ before you realize they’re just giving you the same blow-off we are? They just refuse to admit it.”

Many fail to accept that Smith Hardware’s complete ineptitude in managing inventory is sufficient to offset the monumental corporate hubris of CVS.

“Smith’s been telling people things are out of stock long before CVS ever showed up,” said local shopper Edna Pastor, “and they’ll be doing it long after they’re gone. That’s what’s beautiful about local businesses. You can count on them.”