"Mini-Menne" Unveiled
Pint-sized clone to focus on small-scale infill projects.
Decatur city officials, in conjunction with a rogue team of underground Emory geneticists, announced today that they have successfully cloned Economic Development Director Lyn Menne.
“Lyn’s been instrumental in Decatur’s success,” beamed the Mayor. “We used to jokingly say ‘If only we could clone her.’ Then the folks from Emory called and next thing you know…”
Sporting a diminutive stature described by chief geneticist Dr. Carol Lumpkin as “adorable,” the "Mini-Menne" miniature clone has been created to address the one issue that has eluded the scope of the city’s efforts: small parcel redevelopment.
The problem, it seems, is parking. City regulations require all new construction to absorb parking on site. While this seems perfectly reasonable for a large project like the Artisan, it also ensures that a modest downtown building like the Brick Store Pub cannot be duplicated.
“Even if someone owns a small plot outright,” said Mini-Menne in the cutest little voice you ever heard, “it’s essentially impossible to cover construction costs when half the land must be given over to cars.”
As a result, developers must amass large parcels to make the numbers work.
“Our goal,” she squeaked, “is to look at solutions that allow smaller buildings as an option. Shared parking arrangements, on-street parking, municipal lots, that kind of thing."
“I mean," she concluded in her squeaky-weaky little twitter of a voice, "forcing a small building to provide parking when there’s ample parking next door or out front? I know my brain is proportionately smaller than a normal-sized first generation human but that’s stupid, right?”
Beginning Monday, Mini-Menne will be available in the Development Office at City Hall, occupying a closet that has been reconfigured into a tiny replica of the office occupied by Ms. Menne.
10 comments:
It sounds like Mini-Menne has been reading a tiny little copy of Christopher Alexander's "A Pattern Language."
Even more important than Mini-Menne, who is Mini-Stephen Decatur, aka the Blurmeister. Can we guess?
- A play on a Decatur family's last name?
- The same person who impersonated Stephen Decatur during the infamous CUDS-DSA Yahoo group wars to decide which school got cute K-3 kids and which school got not-so-cute CSD administrators who do not cut the grass, pull weeds, walk to work, or share their parking spaces.
This blog is still terrible. I am not responsible for this crap.
From Wikipedia: "Satire (from Latin satira, "medley, dish of colourful fruits") is a technique used in drama, fiction, journalism, and occasionally in poetry, the graphic arts, the performing arts and other media. Although satire is usually witty, and often very funny, the purpose of satire is not primarily humour but criticism of an event, an individual or a group in a clever manner."
Your blog is neither witty nor funny, so please stop trying jerk.
whoa, blurmeister, looks like you hit a nerve. Keep it up.
I for one think your blog is hilarious! I also think that anyone who has a problem with your satire is a cotton-headed ninnymuggins!
Who can honestly say they wouldn’t want to clone a Decatur city official?
Think about a little Hugh Saxon who can crawl inside storm water drains for inspections.
Consider having your own “Kutie Kecia” dress-up doll, with her fabulous fashion sense.
I know that a smaller Fred Boykin would celebrate the easing of traffic woes since smaller people could fit into fewer cars (think ‘Ringling Brothers Bus Lines” and you’ll eventually laugh.)
Surely there are other applications for this new cloning technology – Decatur, have we lost our creativity? Can we not contribute some ideas to the advancement of science and the betterment of our community?!
Ouch. Folks be hatin'. The consortium of writers who bring you the Blur are in active debate over which has generated the greatest scorn. There is sadness. There is glee. It's very confusing.
However, for those fine supporters here and elsewhere who've continued to endorse parody as a constructive form of community involvement, we pledge to do our best not to let you down.
And Farmer Deerfield, consider this your open invitation to join the Blur staff at any time.
Where can I buy one of these 'action' figures?
Can I buy one at Eddie's Attic after a City Commissioner's meeting?
CSD JUNKIE: "Even more important than Mini-Menne, who is Mini-Stephen Decatur, aka the Blurmeister."
RENAULT: "I think not. I have seen the lady."
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